51 Methods of Adab (Islamic Decorum) with Parents
From Shaykh Mohammed Daniel's al-Adab al-Mufrad Course @ Cordoba Academy
1) Prefer them over everyone and everything.
2) Anticipate how you can make their life more comfortable, especially in old age.
3) Offer them opportunities to come closer to Allah e.g. inform them of lectures & take them if they agree.
4) Remember them often in your supplications.
5) Praise their efforts & achievements. After all, you are one of them!
6) Always start with them, when serving food, giving gifts etc.
7) Visit them regularly & enquire about their health.
8) Dress well, smell good and stand up for them when they enter your presence.
9) Call them with the most respectable titles, never by their first name.
10) When you greet them, kiss their hand, head etc.
11) Never sit while they are standing.
12) Never sit on a higher level than them.
13) Listen respectfully & show interest in what they say.
14) Never stare them in the eyes, remain humble.
15) Choose your words well when speaking to them.
16) Never frown in front of them.
17) Never raise your voice over theirs, speak quietly & softly.
18) Never disagree with them, unless they state something contrary to the deen. If so, do it respectfully.
19) Smile/ laugh at their jokes even if you don't get it due to generation gap etc.
20) Always give an ear to their advice (its coming from the heart)
21) Never outright reject their opinions.
22) Always show interest in their discussions.
23) In conversations, never cut them off or leave them while they are talking.
24) Never say "Ah", "Uf" or other expressions that show your discomfort with them.
25) When in a gathering with them, give them the prime position.
26) Never fidget with phone/gadget when they address you.
27) Never extend your feet towards them.
28) Never hang up the phone, before they do. They may remember something while you are putting it down.
29) Never give them your back or shut a door on them.
30) Never eat before them when sat together.
31) Never walk in front of them, except to clear the way or protect them.
32) Be quick off the foot, when they ask you to do something for them.
33) Never keep them waiting, especially in the sun or cold.
34) Never laugh at a mishap or accident they have in front of you.
35) Never spread what they share with you about a sibling or other parent etc.
36) Never let them carry or lift bags while you are empty-handed.
37) Share with them good news about your life.
38) Keep from them any bad news, that may hurt their feelings.
39) Respect their friends, both in their life and after they pass away.
40) Never mention them in a negative light to your friends etc.
41) Never tell them: "I wish I was not born" or "You were not my father".
42) Never discipline their grandchildren in front of them.
43) Never compare them with the parents of others.
44) Never dig up past incidents of negative consequences.
45) Always praise them in front of your friends and family.
46) Never bother them with 'forced babysitting' or chores.
47) Don't sleep without checking on their needs first.
48) Never travel without their permission, other than to perform fardh.
49) Maintain your father's self-respect & sense of "being the man of the house" until he passes away.
50) Never ask your father if he needs financial help, thus making him feel lowly, check this with your mother.
51) Respond to their call immediately, even if in voluntary prayer.